Grieving during the COVID19 pandemic

Grieving during the COVID19 pandemic

 

Grieving during this pandemic

My mother-in-love (law) recently passed away. She got severely ill during the pandemic…no it was not the COVID19 virus.

I remember visiting her 2 days before the lockdown, Benjamin kissed her for the first and not knowing for the last time…at the time it felt strange to me but it all makes sense now.

Due to all the strict lockdown regulations,

all we could do was giving her call daily (usually around 5pm). She was at home at times and then sometimes rushed to hospital. While she was in hospital we were not allowed to visit her. She often mentioned to us how lonely she felt and that she misses us. We were not allowed to take anything to her; we could not even gain access to take fresh pyjamas or her favourite snacks. It was horrible…

The doctors kept giving us bad news and we so badly wanted to see her just one last time. We were not even allowed in at the gates of the hospital. All we wanted was one last glimpse of my momma. Just to stroke her hand one last time, even just a brief moment, a split second. Too feel her tight hug or see her smile…just one last time.

I couldn’t it was illegal….

She always spoke to Benjamin on the phone in her last days. We then thought to make her a hug. We used a big piece of paper and let Benjamin lie on it. We cut out his posture and let him scribble on it all he wanted. We sanitised it, put his scent on and then asked the doctor to give the hug to his granny …

We don’t know if she ever received that last hug from him.  We were not there. We don’t know if she could breathe in the scent of her grandson for one last time…we were not there. Does she even know about the “letter”? We were not there. We will never know if she ever received it.

At the funeral…

In a time where everyone needed comfort we couldn’t hug, we couldn’t lean on each other’s shoulders (literally) and we had to invite only certain people to the funeral (limit 50).  So many friends and family wanted to come say their final goodbyes, but they couldn’t. And then it was said by government you are not allowed to cry at a funeral…how crazy did life get?

Oh COVID19, how you have come to turn life upside down. But we will keep standing firmly rooted in Christ Jesus.

I pray for comfort for everyone who has lost a loved one during this pandemic. Not only to COVID19,  but in general. May you experience the love of God now more than ever.

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